"I want you to help me stop my
son gambling," an anxious father said to his boy's principal. "I don't know
where he gets it from but it's bet, bet, bet."
"Leave it to me," said the principal. A week later he phoned the boy's father.
"I think I've cured him," he said.
"How?"
"Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said, 'I bet that's a false beard.'
'How much?' I said, and he said "$5 "
"What happened?" asked the father.
"Well, he tugged my beard, which is quite natural, and I made him give me $5. I'm
sure that'll teach him a lesson."
"No, it won't," said the father. "He bet me $10 this morning that he'd pull
your beard with your permission by the end of the week!"
Question: When is the only time you split tens? Answer: When the table is full and your buddies need a seat.
Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never
answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said
anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and
decided to do something to give him confidence.
"Tommy," said his teacher. "I've just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to
say three words. You can have half."
Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, "You lose."
Ned was down on his luck in Las Vegas.
He had gambled away all his money and had to borrow a dime from another
gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happened to be open, so he used the dime in
a slot machine and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings and went to the blackjack table
and turned his small winnings into ten million dollars.
Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams,
Ned went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story. He told his audiences
that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would
share his fortune with him. After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and
said, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime."
"You're not the one I'm looking
for. I'm looking for the guy who left the door open!"
Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Petrus
says : You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you. You may choose "heaven"
or "hell".
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old
boring men sitting around at a table. Bill takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful
women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hell! Once in hell,
Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. So Bill says : hey, what the hell is this, I saw
all the gambling, the women, and sex?
The devil says: 'That was just a demo version."
Rodney Dangerfield joined Gamblers Anonymous.
They gave him three-to-one he wouldn't make it.
